I had no idea what to write about lately, then life provided me with a story. Funny how it works out that way.
I'm hardly scared of anything, and I say that truthfully. All the things normal people are scared of, like the dark, snakes, ghosts, etc., I'm either not afraid of or actually like.
I have only one true, marrow chilling fear, and it's a doozy.
Spiders.
Any spider larger than a dime.
I am a SEVERE arachnophobic. The bigger the spider, the worse I hyperventilate when coming into close contact with it. I can't help it. It's an irrational fear, but that doesn't make it any less real.
Well, I had a nasty surprise when I came home today from work.
I opened the front door and BAM! Huge, black, nasty, shiny, pinchered, demon spider waiting right there in the hallway floor. I jumped about a mile, clear over it in heels, I might add, so it wasn't pleasant. Screaming like a lunatic and feeling very much out of my mind, I tore into the living room and hid in the corner. I knew I had to kill it. I didn't want to spend the whole afternoon sharing a house alone with that thing. But I didn't know how I was gonna kill it. Usually, I just scream and someone else my brother comes and kills it, but today I was on my own.
I called my mom asking her if we had bugspray, which, of course, we didn't. "Just get the flyswatter and beat it." was her advice. Good advice, normally, but I couldn't get close enough to it to do so without freaking out. So I tried plan B: Throw every shoe in the house at it and hope I squash it. I was so nervous, though, that I never managed to hit it. In fact, it wasn't even scared of the shoes zooming over its head. So plan C went into effect: Get this big bag of change my brother has and throw THAT at it. I thought that had worked -- I nailed it on its nasty little head. I was just about to go over there when out it crawled from underneath the piles of pennies, dazed but not dead. I screamed and ran back into the corner.
By this point, I was seriously considering going through the back door and asking one of the neighbors to kill it for me. I was starting to seriously lose my head. Then I decided I would NOT be a wimp about it and I WOULD kill the thing if it killed me.
So I tried the flyswatter approach again I had been carrying it with me this whole time as self-defense. But I still couldn't get close enough to swat it without shaking. So I called my brother, asking him where his duct tape and large metal pole were. Of course, he had no idea, but he suggested I use the broom. Yay! I knew where that was! I got scotch tape and bound the swatter to the broom handle and faced off with demon spider, who was now making his way into my living room sanctuary.
I beat him to a pulp with my extra-long swatter. Twelve times I pounded him. I know he was probably dead after the first three, but I wanted to make sure. Then I watched. He didn't move.
Demon Spider: 10
Me: 1
He may have won most of the battles, but I won the war.
Of course, now I'm jumpy as all getout and hiding in the living room desperately craving something chocolate. But I'm not getting back up just in case he brought minions....
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