"I wondered, what would it be like to live for hundreds of years? What would it be like to live through history and see the world change, not just hear about it?"
That, in turn, made me dredge up some oooooold writing from a previous re-write of The Aoudanian Chronicles where Leiliya is telling Aoudin exactly what it means to live forever. She's not a vampire, but she is immortal. I'll just post the bit and let you read for yourself...
***
Perhaps it was the stillness that made me voice the question I’d had since I’d begun traveling with Leiliya and Eniath, or perhaps it was that I was actually alone with Leiliya and knew it would be useless to ask for anything a bit more fun. Regardless, I glanced over at her where she lay back against the wall, staring intently at the ceiling as though it held the answers to the mysteries of life itself.
“Leiliya…” I began slowly. How was I supposed to ask something this ridiculous?
She turned her gaze to me and smiled wearily. “Aye? You look pensive. That’s rare.”
I scowled. You know, everyone says that to me. It’s tiring.”
Leiliya grinned. “I’m not sorry.”
“Of course you’re not.” I started to lose track of what I had been intending to say, but caught myself just in time. “Leiliya…” I began again. “What is it like to live forever?”
I couldn’t quite discern the look that crossed her face. I wasn’t sure if it was annoyance or pain. Either way, I hadn’t expected that kind of negative reaction.
“Why do you ask?” she asked after an awkward pause.
I began to feel like an ignorant child for reasons I could not explain. “I was just wondering. It seems fascinating to be able to watch ages pass. See it with your own eyes instead of just read about it, I mean.”
When Leiliya smiled, it seemed the smile of a very old teacher who only humored her young and inexperienced student. I had seen Leiliya act serious numbers of times, but never quite like this.
“Yes, put from that perspective it is rather fascinating, isn’t it?” she nodded and looked away from me, returning her relentless heterochromatic gaze back to the ceiling. “But what is it that makes history happen, Aoudin?”
“Fate…?” I guessed.
Leiliya shook her head. “People. People make history happen. So tell me now, Aoudin, what happens to people as history passes?”
“They die.” I was certain about this one.
Leiliya chuckled and shook her head. “Aye. They die. What you mortal types don’t realize is that death itself isolates us – the Simani and Aztriathans – from the rest of humankind. We can’t enjoy watching history pass when the people we would have to be involved with in order to enjoy it inevitably grow older and die, leaving us alone and not a day changed. As if they had never existed, except in history.” She paused. “… This is the reason the Simani do not leave our city of Elnestre and live among the mortals. True, we do have a weakness for human disease, but this is the real reason. It’s simply too painful to become close to people we will inevitably lose.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t—” I began, but Leiliya cut me off with a raised palm.
“Don’t interrupt. You asked, and you’ll be getting the full story now that I’ve started. As I was saying, it’s hell, Aoudin. You know, there’s a small town in western Hyrodoc I’ve visited once every year for the past 125 years. A very small town, currently with only about 30 or so residents. I know them all by name. But every year when I go back, something has changed. Someone has been married, or born, or died. And I see that difference. The endless circle of life that I miss out on. I see the great-grandchildren of the people who lived in the village when I first started visiting. They’re getting old now. Pretty soon, they too will die.”
This was a bit more long-winded than I had wanted, but I let her keep talking. It seemed as though she needed to talk about it.
“Eniath and I knew what we were doing when we took this job.” Leiliya shook her head. “We knew we would be getting attached to you all. Fighting alongside you, risking our lives. That forms a deeper bond than ordinary friendship. But both of us have thought about it… About how soon, you, Ces, Thei, all of our dearest companions will finish out your time in this circle and die, leaving us alone with only traces of that bond that shouldn’t be broken. Honestly, I doubt we’ll recover from it.”
I stared at her in amazement. “I had never even considered that. When I asked you to come with us, I wasn’t aware of exactly the pain I was asking you to suffer.”
“Of course you weren’t.” Leiliya grinned. “No one does. It’s not something people even seem to consider.”
“You have my apologies.”
This time, she laughed. “Oh, don’t go getting all sentimental. What’s done is done. Neither Eniath nor I would trade our time in this merry little group for anything. Sure we will suffer, yes, but we’ll always have fond memories. So don’t let it bother you.”
As if she had never been depressed, she began humming lightly and went back to studying the ceiling, not saying another word. Her mood had shifted back to her normal chaotic self.
She was happier this way, and so was I.
***
But anyway, that's just an excerpt of Leiliya's and my opinion on immortality.
Sumimasen!
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