Burn

It was the title of the book I finished reading, by my favorite author Ted Dekker. So this is your official

***********SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!!!!***************

The above spoiler warning officially releases me from any flaming and/or wailing relating to me revealing the plot twist of this most recent and genius book, as reading forward is completely at your discretion. And if you've reached the end of this disclaimer and still don't want to have the plot spoiled, you probably are just looking for an excuse to whine.


Anyway, besides being a fantastic book worthy of the Dekker empire, Burn brought forth some uncomfortable revelations about myself.

Since this isn't a book review, I'm not gonna talk about the entire plot just for it to make sense. If you care that much, stop reading this and read the book. I guarantee it's better. But anyway, in the first part of the book, the protagonist Janeal Mikkado is given a choice: Attempt to save her best friend from being burned alive, in which case they will almost certainly both die; or escape with a million dollars, definitely survive, and build the life she always wanted for herself.

When faced with a difficult choice, we are never given the chance to see where the path we chose not to walk would have taken us. You will never know exactly how your life could have been different if you had taken the other road. Janeal, however, is given that miraculous opportunity.

There are two chambers in every heart: One for John and one for Judas. Everyone is capable of the same sin, but it's our choices that make us one or the other. So, when faced with the choices presented, Janeal is split into the John and Judas of her heart. The Judas immediately flees the fire and becomes a successful, powerful businesswoman; the John rushes into the fire and is severely burned beyond recognition, though survives (though her best friend does not) and builds a life of servitude and selflessness.

Fifteen years passed before the two fractions of Janeal's heart learned of each other. The bitter, guarded Judas utterly loathes the John for it's peace and happiness. In it's fury, it attempts to kill the John. To flush out and destroy the part of itself it considers weak.

Fortunately, Janeal, as well as the rest of us, is given a second chance. She finds the John side of her is stronger than the Judas. This time, John escapes while Judas is burned in the flames.

Most of me is the Judas. I have left my John to burn in the flames, not once, but many times. My heart is Judas inclined. However, we are called to burn the selfish side of us in unquenchable fire.

"His winnowing fork is in his hand, and he will clear his threshing floor, gathering his wheat into the barn and burning up the chaff with unquenchable fire." Matthew 3:12

I'm not ready yet to pull my wheat out of the flames. The darkness right now is my greatest comfort when I need to hide. But I become ever more aware of the good part of me that is burning away. I don't want to wait too long for fear it will be reduced to ash.