I need to sleep but I don't really feel like it, so here's a bit of a non-angry rant

I haven't had a lot of time to spend on art lately because the computer at work died, leaving me with the delightful chore of redoing several full weeks' worth of accounting. Pretty much the only art-related thing I've been up to at all is studying. Well, and a few simple things based on that studying.

I collected all of my art resources which you can check out using the link up there ^ but what I've been working at right now has taken me back to my graphite roots. It's Jason at EclecticAsylumArt's beyond belief art lessons. He starts at the VERY beginning, explaining about how our eyes and brain interpret what we see differently. Knowing these differences is a fundamental for good art. What is it? Well, I'll tell you.

The eyes see contrasts in value while the brain interprets those contrasts as lines.

We then define those lines as features. Such as lips, or eyes, or a nose. We think we have to draw a face with lines, using set rules to get all of the features in the right place. I should mention before I go further that I'm studying advanced portrait drawing so I can make some money locally. How we SHOULD be drawing them is not based on pre-set lines, but on the subtle changes in value. Artistically, value means shading. An absolute value of 10 would be black, with an absolute value of 1 would be white. A five would be in between and so forth. Of course, value is relative, but explaining that and everything else would take too long and I doubt most of you are interested anyway. Drop me an email or comment if you'd like to learn more about it. Or just watch Jason's videos...

But I digress.

The point of all this was that in my lessons, I'm learning to reject what my brain tries to see and accept only what my eyes see. Meaning, I'm learning to draw with value instead of with lines. I'm learning to see things like the eyes not as lines, but as lighter and darker values differing from the skin. 

I hope all this makes sense because it's hard to explain...

Being able to draw with value instead of lines makes for much quicker, smoother sketches. Instead of having to draw something out and then shade it, I just shade and the shapes form out of the contrast. It cuts my drawing time in half. I drew a random portrait today, fully detailed and fairly realistic in probably 20 minutes, tops. I'm not saying it's perfect, but I already see the difference. For me to do anything without a reference pic is shocking to me. I wish I could post the sketch, but it was traditional instead of digital, so I'd have to scan it. And, as I said before, the work computer is dead and that's what I scanned it to... You will just have to take my word for it!

In addition to the random portrait, I also did a realistic-ish eye in 5 minutes. Both of these exercises were to try for speed, and, I have to say, it was highly effective.

I am also learning triangulation for picture duplication.

In addition, I've been sort of doodling with the critiques I was given. Number one on my agenda was clothing!!! I suck horribly at it. So I did a lineart in order to practice folds.

Ironic, considering my lessons have been about NOT using lines XD

I guess I'm versatile?

Uh... nose is a bit off, but I was focusing more on clothing this time. When/if I paint it, I will adjust it. 

Much improvement, I think, so this pleases me. Mostly this is thanks to Crysa of deviantART for making such an awesome tutorial.

In utterly NOT-art related news, we had a massive hailstorm today out here on the Texas plains. Scared the snot out of all three of my cats. I actually had to go sit outside on the deck with the oldest of the three because I was afraid she would have a heart attack. She hid behind me shivering the whole time as I human-shielded her body from bouncing hailstones. 

Of course, I like hailstorms as long as my car and cats are safe. I like the cold, I like the clouds, and I love going around and picking up hailstones afterwards. I love to look at them and figure out how many rotations they made in the clouds by examining their layers. Most of the stones we had today were 2-rotations -- about nickel sized -- but the biggest I found was 3-rotations -- about ping-pong ball sized. They have the neatest little cores, so much fun to study. 

I also played in the freezing water it left behind. It was quite pleasant.

Well, I'm exhausted and ranted out... Email/comment for any further information on the techniques I mentioned, if you're interested. I may try to get Jason to do a guest post if enough people are interested which I doubt. 

I need another new siggy image, too... This one bores me.

Brutal critiques are worth the emotional scarring

I was so happy with my latest painting. I thought it really showcased how good I was starting to get.

Then it got rejected from several of the more exclusive deviantART groups. I was so depressed... I thought it was the best I could do. Why didn't everyone else think so, too?

I was so depressed that my ears started to ring for lack of blood to my brain. So I shut my blackout curtains, lit my oil burner and candles, and turned on my misting fountain. Now, locking myself in a dark room with candles may seem depressing to most people, but this is how I recharge. The dark is like a blanket to me; I can't explain it. After an hour or so of chilling, I managed to get my resolve back. If that painting wasn't good enough, I'll just make a better one.

Of course, I had no idea WHAT was wrong with it. It's the artists' paradox. I can best compare it to writing -- as a writer AND a semi-professional editor, I naturally try to edit my own writing. But something about trying to correct your own work is impossible. You know what it's supposed to say and what you're supposed to feel, so you can't really pick up on mistakes that other people will notice. That's why, no matter how good or famous you are, you have to have an editor. I think it's the same way with art. So, I looked for a critic or two.

I wound up with like eight.

I appreciate all of their time, though! Two of them are friends from deviantART and the rest are random people from craigslist who read a desperate post I made shortly after blowing out the candles and turning the lights back on. I am going to post the most helpful of the suggestions they made, hoping they won't mind.

---------
I need to work on:

Hair -- A bit stringy and the scalp needs work
Eyes -- Stylized eyes not blending smoothly with realistic style
CLOTHING -- I have GOT to find a good fabric tutorial. I have such a mental block that it's holding me up big time.

I was suggested to:

-Study anatomy and draw stick figure skeletons to get a better idea of the body's framework
-Sharpen up my images a little
---------

Two things were pleasant surprises, though. My skin painting got consistent compliments and no one mentioned the background. I was certain everyone would tell me I failed utterly at the background.

If anyone has anything to add or flesh out in the list, I welcome your critique! That's why I use this blog in the first place... it's not to brag about my art, it's to get help. My goal is to have enough quality art to entire our local festival next year, and for that to happen, I need all the help I can get!

I suppose it's stupid for me to care THAT much about getting into the "quality" groups, but I can't help it. Normally, I am probably the LEAST self-conscious person you will ever meet. I wear some pretty ridiculous stuff, say what's on my mind, and don't really care what people think -- and that's not just talk since anyone who knows me would back it up. However, when it comes to art, I turn into this desperate, unsure, pathetic person who just wants everyone to love me. It's like total bipolarity. I don't understand it. But I do know that the desperation to be loved is driving me to improve my work in leaps and bounds.

When I get a hard critique, every word is like a slap in the face. Yet, it's like a good slap in the face that wakes you up from a nightmare. I can't really explain that, either...

So just keep in mind that your harsh words help wake me up! As long as they're constructive, of course. Otherwise I'd just think you're an idiot and move on with my life.

Cheers!

OH, I almost forgot... What does everyone think of my new header? I'd been sort of working on it on and off for awhile. I like it -- as much as I can without wondering what's wrong with it hahaha.

Finally finished!

I was sitting on the couch like a lump playing Alan Wake when my mom chunked an envelope at me. Inside was my replaced tablet pen! At first I was really excited, but then I got really nervous because I now had no reason not to finish my painting...

But I did!

I'll post it in a moment, but first I have to say... I definitely have a stumbling-block when it comes to backgrounds. It's very frustrating... I work so hard and then draw a blank when it comes to that last bit of art that really pulls it together... For this particular piece, I have four different backgrounds in the .psd file. FOUR. I switched them back and forth until I settled on the one I thought was best. I still have the others on the file if I change my mind...

All in all, though, I'm quite happy with myself.

This would be Matsumoto Rangiku from Bleach! Yes, more fan art...

In other news, I almost bled out through the wrist because baby kitty decided I was a good climbing post. I also got one of those misting fountains and think it is the best lamp ever...

Crazier than usual

Adesso is supposed to be rushing my new pen to me, but I haven't gotten so much as a nib. I'm so creatively backed up that my dreams are entering the Plain of Thought that even I don't like to explore. I guess Rollin has wandered over there with all his spare time. I do wish he wouldn't share his discoveries with me though... The Sixth Plain of my Mind is a little weird even for me.

Without my art to keep me busy, I was lost yesterday. I watched TV most of the afternoon -- something I normally abhor. I guess I could write or sketch or something, but Soren is focusing obstinately on my current, unfinished painting. He's obsessed with getting it done and naturally, as a result, so am I. I even tried framing out the background with my trackpad. It didn't go very well... I had horrible flashbacks to my old paintings.

Thank God something finally came along to keep me entertained. The suspense/thriller game Alan Wake was released two days ago and I've been playing that when my brother isn't home (he's playing it, too, and we don't want to spoil it for one another). It's not really scary, per say, but it's interesting enough to keep me occupied in my normal painting-scheduled time. It's like playing through one of the books I love to read. 

I caught a glimpse of myself in the reflection of the TV once, and I had a smile on that looked exactly like the one Sunako sports in this picture ----- >

Like I said, Sixth Plain has been prominent...

Anyway, I've at least been occupied. I just hopehopehopehopehopehopehopehope my pen gets here soon. I don't know how long that game is and I don't know how much longer I can survive Rollin's inspirations without going certifiably insane.

Don't field that.

I don't have a good title, so here's a demotivational quote: "Pessimism: Every dark cloud has a silver lining, but lighting kills hundreds of people each year who are trying to find it."

The good news is, we finally found a house to rent AND signed the lease, so we'll be moving in the next couple of weeks *sigh*. It's a decent house, from what I could see on the outside. Mom refuses to let me see the inside until the current tennents move out because, apparently, they put my slob ability to shame and she thinks I will back out and move away. Mess doesn't scare me. What scares me is that the house is only the second house down from a MAJOR street and the noise is phenomenal. That and the fact I'm worried about my kitties getting hurt or killed makes me really uneasy about the house. But there's nothing I can do about that, I guess.

Also slightly disappointing is that the house is only two streets down from Quincy St. That would have been freaking hilarious.

The nerd in me would have loved that. "Yeah I live on ____ Quincy St... *snicker*"

So close... D:


In the BETTER news of the week, Karissa of Karissa's Reading Review has agreed to review The Five Trials for me before I send it out to publishers. Having the review before the (hopeful) publication will prevent me from making the "Would have been a great book except for ____" mistake. I am very thankful for her help and will post the review as soon as she lets me know sometime in the coming months.

I also won one of her Spring Book Giveaway prizes, which makes me very happy since I never win anything. XD

In other news, my tablet pen gave out on me. I have been painting like crazy to calm myself down, and it has really helped. Unfortunately, I paint so much that the pen nib wore down to a tiny stub and I had to replace it with a fresh one. Apparently, I can't follow simple directions because now my pen doesn't work correctly. It either doesn't work at all or works in leaps and bounds and won't follow the movement on the tablet. All this right as I was about to finish detailing out the character in a painting I'm working on. I'd show it to you, but I don't want to ruin it for when I finally finish it.

Anyway, after calling Adesso multiple times and only getting the busy signal, I finally gave up on ever getting the help line to tell me what to do. So I started looking for a replacement pen. WHY is it impossible to find a new pen? Apparently, this particular pen only comes equipped with the tablet.

I wish I had the money to just give up and buy a Wacom tablet. No one ever complains about problems with them. Sadly, they run in the multiple hundreds of dollars... If I got a few commissions, I would buy one with the earnings and look at it as a business investment, but without THIS particular painting, I don't really stand a chance.

Enough ranting for now. I have to get some more work done.

PS if anyone is bored and can help me find a pen solution, I would be very grateful.

Quick post... seems like all of them are that way lately

We've been in a dead zone as far as moving is concerned. We're not packing up and we've only looked at a few houses. It's like everyone but me is in denial that we have to move AGAIN. I keep bringing it up, but I keep getting told to "not worry about it." Naturally, that is the most annoying thing anyone can be told. I almost want to worry just to spite them.

Anyway, I'm not really sure what we're gonna do at this point. I love for things to be spontaneous and unpredictable, but I like that to be on top of something solid for me to fall back on when the spontaneous something leads to disaster. Not knowing *exactly* what the plan is has left me quite stranded, and therefore depressed.

So I did what I always do when I'm depressed: I started rereading The Wallflower for the umpteenth time. Once again, thanks to Hayakawa-sama, I've managed to laugh myself out of the worst of my depression. I even felt good enough to work on a painting, which I had thought I wouldn't be able to do for awhile. My creative energy has been all mixed up and weird, and even Soren is behaving himself.

Anyway, I painted his picture of Sode no Shirayuki, Rukia's zanpakuto spirit from Bleach:

It's a visual pun, for those of you who don't know. Rukia releases her zanpakuto's power with the command "mai" which means "dance" in Japanese. So I thought it would be punny to draw Sode no Shirayuki actually dancing. It was fun, too. Distracted me for awhile and I'm very proud of the outcome. I've really come a long way as a painter. I've still got quite a ways to go, but I love seeing marked improvement.

As soon as I know anything about the move, I'll post it.

A non-illistrated, non-art related post from a very pissed off artist

In the last year meaning the last 365 days I have moved four times. Ok, that's not entirely true. It's more like 365 days and half a month. But still, you get the picture. I've been picked up and transplanted a lot.

The first and second came during the economic crisis when my parents' 1-million-a-year-grossing business that they put 25 long, hard years of their lives into went under, leaving us with nothing, and they had to move across Texas for work. I stayed behind to finish out my college term, but I count this as two moves, because I had to help them pack because my mom was really sick, as well as pack myself to move into the dorms, since I had been living with them.

The third occurred after the term ended and I moved all my stuff to live with them again. Keep in mind that we moved practically across Texas and it's a very large state. It was a big move.

The fourth occurred when our landlady "insisted" we leave the house we were staying in, giving us three months to find a house. We barely made it.

All of that happened in just a year. It would have been a hellish year WITHOUT the moving, but I don't want to get sidetracked.

My point is, we were just served up a two-week eviction notice. Why? We replaced the hot water heater with a better one. We payed the rent a few days late because the landlady was out of town think about that for a second. There are a few other more ridiculous things, but I won't delve into them.

I just ask you: How the hell is this even fair? My parents work so hard and always have so much faith, but this is what happens. I'm so sick and tired of it. I would rather they wallow in anger and hatred than be so optimistic and trusting. It makes no sense. I'm tired of that, too. 

Life sucks, I know. But there should be a limit, you know. People can only take so much before they crack. I almost wish they'd just reach that limit and break. Then there'd be no way to go but forward, instead of this constant give a little, take a lot routine.

I'll probably delete this post later, but I thought I'd let everyone know what's up. 

Uh... I've been sucking at art lately, so here're a few stories!... and a preview of some art, I guess...

I have been a very disgruntled beginner the last few days. My artistic endeavors have been less than successful. Soren has been insufferable with gloating, since I had always blamed him for not being very good... Apparently, it IS me. It's very frustrating...

Anyway, here's some NON-art related stuff that I've been up to lately...

I was gonna write about this anyway since everyone loved my last Demon Spider encounter. That's right, another one. This never happens when anyone is home!

Actually, it happened twice that day, but the first one only gave me a slight shock before I squashed it it wasn't very big.

The absolute worst part of my day is when I have to walk from my car to the house. There's a large, spiderweb covered hole at the base of the tree in our front yard, and I'm almost positive it's a tarantula hole. We had some in the Houston area like that which were, indeed, tarantula holes... So I'm terrified of it and walk as far away from it as I can.

By the time I get to the doorway, I'm usually feeling pretty good. Yay! I made it without dying of a heart attack because something big and nasty and hairy jumped out at me! So it's a relief to get the key in the lock and run inside after checking the threshold for Demon Spiders because I'm still afraid.

I was actually LESS afraid this particular day, even of the hole, because there were at least six guys across the street working on the roof of our neighbor's house. I thought that if I got attacked and screamed, I'd have at least six guys come running over to solve the problem. Especially since I looked pretty good that day in a short-ish short for me is knee-length dress and heels... So I had no qualms about reaching for the door handle.

Idiot, I should have double checked. When I reached for the handle, a massive black spider with the super-long pincher type front legs and weird white spots on its abdomen came barreling out at my hand. I screamed like a lunatic and ran away.

As I ran in circles around and around the yard, I remembered the guys across the street. So I stopped running and screaming and marched back up to the door ok, sneaked and opened up the glass storm door, expecting one of those guys to be over at any minute. I looked all over the doorway for that stupid spider, but couldn't see it anywhere. Maybe when I screamed I scared it off?

Just to be sure, I kicked the wooden door. Out came that spider like a bolt of lightning, intent on eating my foot. I jumped back and watched as it zipped back under the door handle. There was no way I was getting in while that thing was still there. I kicked it again with the same results and cussed that spider like crazy. Where were the stupid guys?

They were sitting on the roof across the street, watching intently. Apparently, they had never seen someone flip out and start kicking doors and cussing for seemingly no reason before.

I could have asked them to come kill it, since they obviously could hear me, but I decided not to be a wimp and rely on stupid guys to kill a demon spider. I'd done it before, I could do it again. I knew that if I could just get inside, I could get the spider spray and take it that way.

I slowly put my keys in the lock and turned it until I heard the click. Then I stepped back and kicked the door handle as hard as I could and the door flew open. Demon Spider II slung off the doorway I said a few words but managed to stay on by a thin string of web. I took my chance and ran screaming and cussing past it into the house, did a 180, and slammed the door shut as hard as I could.

Unfortunately, in my plan, I didn't take into account the fact that it was hanging by a web. It went sailing through the air and landed just to the right of me, then scurried up the wall like a psycho.

I screamed and ran into the living room, hiding in the corner I had previously used as a spider fortress.

I couldn't remember where mom had put the spider killer, so I reached for my cell phone, only to find I had left it at work. We have no home phone. So I couldn't even call to ask where the killer was. This did not help morale.

Fortunately, after poking around for a bit, I realized my brother had accidentally left his phone at home, so I was able to call mom and ask her where the spider spray was.

I drowned that spider and a good deal of the entry hall in poison. Fifteen minutes later when I felt safe enough to venture out of the corner, I remembered I had left my keys in the door. So I opened it up and saw the stupid guys still watching the house.

Thus proving my theory that 85% of men are useless.

OK! Enough about the Demon Spider Saga... I had some other stuff I was gonna write about.

Rollin has been very active lately. My dreams have been very interesting. A few nights ago, I had a dream most would call it a nightmare, but it was fun for me that this city I lived in a fantasy one with towers and canals and stuff was being attacked by some kind of demon and everyone but me was either dying of a disease or too scared to do anything. Well, except my brother, who tried to help me until he was eaten by piranas. There were a lot of people there, too, which is odd since usually my dreams have only the knowledge that people are there instead of me actually seeing them... There were a bunch of my old college friends there, some from my old church, and the Soren from Fire Emblem (don't ask).

I had to go through this long process of studying to figure out what the demon's weakness was. To skip over all the details, I did eventually manage to defeat it... I'm just very surprised at Rollin. He's been pretty quiet for the past six months. I just wish he'd give me a dream about Caroline so I can get that story moving...

I had some other stuff I was gonna write about, but I forgot. I was actually gonna write this post a few days ago, but couldn't because my Photoshop 8 trial was up and I couldn't do the illustrations... I know they're not necessary, but they're so fun... Fortunately, my tablet came with a free copy of Photoshop 4, which works just as well, but with more workspace. Eight had almost no work room... <-- proper grammar.

So anyway, before my PS expired, I was working on some character concepts for my manga. I haven't decided whether or not to go with a traditional manga style, or a more stylized realism... I'm hoping some concept art will get that question answered. Here's a block of some of my main characters:

Since it's mostly to get facial structure set, I wasn't overly concerned about being entirely clean-lined. Somehow, it still wound up looking pretty good XD

I guess that's all for now.